Here’s a New Yorker-style revamp of your article enriched with additional insights and external links.

Investing in the Big Apple: A High School Hustle

So, there I was, a high school kid, back in 2011. Instead of hitting the sports field, I hit the stock market. Yeah, it was all REITs, preferred stocks, and flashy high-yield bonds. Quite the "wolf of Wall Street" start, huh? But don’t let the suits fool ya — this habit grew into an insatiable fascination with how markets ticker-tape on the economy’s pulse.

The Art of Long Holds in a City That Never Sleeps

Fast forward to now, and you might find me mixing my stock positions with a splash of covered calls and cash-secured puts. I’m a fundamentalist — not the Wall Street kind. I lean into long-term strategies like a boss. Seeking Alpha’s kind enough to host my musings mostly on those irreplaceable REITs and those big-shot financials. But hey, you never know when a macro trade idea will lure me into the ETF charts or some other stock jazz.

Behind the Curtain: My Honest Confession

Hold the phones, folks. A quick note before someone starts buying stocks on account of lil’ old me. No stocks, no options, no mysterious financial derivatives in my portfolio from those mentioned companies. You won’t catch me making a stock bet in the next 72 hours either. This shindig is my own gig, crafted from my opinions, and Seeking Alpha’s web pages are just kind enough to print ‘em.

A disclosure for the numbers crowd: No Benjamins are slipping my way (except from the platform themselves). No cozy business lunches or insider pillow talks with any companies here — it’s a lone ranger’s ride.

Because Past Performance Ain’t No Crystal Ball

Like a wise New Yorker once said, “Don’t believe everything you hear — past glory is no future lock.” You won’t find investment advice here that’s tailor-made for you, dear investor. The opinions might be as feisty as Times Square on New Year’s Eve, but they don’t necessarily hymn the tunes of Seeking Alpha itself. Just a nudge to remind y’all that they’re no licensed sheriffs of Wall Street.

Strategies and Street Smarts: Tools for Wannabe Investors

So, what do I have for those itching to dive into the market ocean? Well, come rain or shine, here’s a shortlist:

• Look at fundamental analysis like you’re choosing a bagel.
• Be as patient as a New Yorker in traffic.
• Stay open to the idea that investments, like pizza slices, aren’t all the same.

The Wrap-Up: Why I Keep Coming Back

From those high school days to my current adventures, investing never lost its charm. New Yorkers hustle, and so does the city. Whether it’s Wall Street or a Brooklyn street corner, the game’s the same — adapt and keep moving.

So here’s to the continued chase, catching the pulse of markets like a cab after dark. Now, whether you get off here or join me for the ride, remember this: Keep your wallets tight and your ambitions tighter.

Disclosures about financial advice abound, but it’s always good to stay informed and doubly cautious. For those who crave data, seek trusted sources like Investopedia for financial terms or basics on market strategies. Now, go on, pour yourself a cuppa, and brace for the thrill of the market. Like I said, it’s neither a short tale nor an easy path, but it’s ours, woven with every tick and trade in this glorious city.